Pastor: Views on Partner Selection From Heartbreak Experiences of Two Christians

Two leaves and a married couple
Two leaves and a married couple (photo:
By Li ShiguangDecember 18th, 2023

Recently, Pastor G from a city church in East China highlighted that before marriage and love, Christians should first build a strong foundation of faith. They should then seek someone whose beliefs and life align with their own rather than pursue those who excel in varied areas.

He emphasized the importance of Christians developing a correct view of selecting a partner by using two real-life cases he had encountered.

Switching from a youth fellowship to the church, Jiajia often reminisced about her previous fellowship life. She frequently called a former female Christian from the youth fellowship, and they decided to study the Bible together, reliving their past experiences.

Pastor G told her, "What you're doing is okay," but he followed up by saying, "On the other hand, we also need to recognize that life moves forward continuously and can't be returned to the past."

He advised her, "God expects you to continue growing. You might be facing difficulties and anxiety now, unlike the carefree days in the fellowship. But you must keep moving forward and looking ahead because you'll face even greater challenges in the future."

Later, Jiajia started a romantic relationship with a male believer but eventually went through a breakup. Though both are Christians, they were immature in faith. One is impatient, intending to do things immediately, while the other is laid-back. She prefers a stable man, but he is inconsistent in his thoughts. After the breakup, Jiajia was almost falling apart and in great pain.

However, G believed that her heartbreak had a positive aspect. She began earnestly pursuing faith as never before, truly turning to God. Once, she shared in the church that her faith used to be shallow, and she often did not understand what others or the pastor said. But now she comprehends a significant portion. G mentioned that she now desires to serve the church wholeheartedly.

This pastor also shared another incident at his church, where a female believer, Yiran, broke up within less than three months of dating. Yiran's requirement for a partner was "a devout male Christian who loves the Lord." But when she asked him, "Do you often read the Bible?" The answer was "no." Iran then asked, "Do you have a fellowship life?" He answered, "Occasionally, not very steadily." Yiran was insecure, feeling he was unreliable.

However, the person asked Yiran, "Do you regularly communicate with fellow believers?" Due to a busy work schedule, Yiran rarely connected with church members. Then he asked, "Have you thoroughly read the Bible?" She said, "No." G remarked that, in his view, both individuals had similar issues.

G honestly admitted that it's challenging to engage and communicate with individuals like Yiran. They often couldn't understand or see things clearly because their faith hadn't matured enough. They might even consider themselves fine and frequently point out others' problems, including criticizing Pastor G. Hence, all that could be done was to wait for their growth and change. G told Yiran, "It's okay. If you're willing to stay longer in the spiritual wilderness, there will eventually be growth and change. Throughout this process, we'll accompany you and be with you."

He believed that the most crucial thing for Christians was life transformation. Many Christians in today's era seem lukewarm, lacking passion and vitality because their worldview and values haven't fundamentally changed.

He said, "They continue to live according to their past thoughts and ideas. For them, 'What people in the world have, I should have too; even if it's less, it can’t be too much less.'"

"Many single Christian individuals seek partners who not only have a house and a car but also possess devout faith." Speaking about them, Pastor G found it challenging for them.

Sometimes, when encountering such single Christians, Pastor G would somewhat helplessly say, "Is it possible to find such perfect persons? Objectively speaking, often these individuals aren't godly themselves, yet they insist on finding a devout Christian who is also wealthy and excellent."

(To protect the individuals involved, pseudonyms are used for the two female Christians in the text.)

- Translated by Abigail Wu

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