You can regret buying a piece of clothing for a while, but marrying the wrong person will make you regret for the whole life.
I was pessimistic about marriage before becoming a Christian, holding that marriage was the best test of humanity.
My sweet, cute, and understanding girlfriend became an old, meddling, stingy, and hot-tempered matron after ten years of marriage. At times she quarreled with me about trivial matters. Quarrels gradually pervaded the nice home that existed ten years before. Constant fights and cold wars contributed to the vicious circle in our marriage. Sometimes I wondered: Did I marry the wrong person? Would this be my lifelong family life?
The reason for the quarrels was household affairs: the distribution of housework, our child's education, relationships with other family members...When I recalled the fights caused by those trifles, I considered her unreasonable and my heart was broken. I would divorce her if we continued like this.
My colleague Mr. Liu, an engineer in my company, was a devout Christian. He knew about my troubles and that my terrible marriage badly damaged my work and life. One day after work Liu put a Bible in my hand. He told me to read the Bible carefully and that he made marks on the pages and the answer was in it if I wanted to save my family and marriage.
In the dead of night, I shut myself in the study. I turned on the orange table lamp and opened the new, black-leather-bound Bible to read the red marks made by Liu.
The marks read: "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.' ...
Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
The man said,
'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called 'woman,'
for she was taken out of man.'
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." (Genesis 2:18, 22-24)
When I read the verses, it seemed that a ray of light shone into my heart. In fact, marriage is a holy gift and a blessing given by God to human beings; the bodies and hearts of a man and a woman are one rather than separated when in marriage created by God. A marital partnership is a relationship of mutual help.
However, my past understanding of marriage was quite simple: getting married was that a man and a woman who regard each other as suitable register for marriage in the government department.
I failed to realize that marriage is a divine arrangement and the combination of a man and a woman based on love.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
"In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." (Ephesians 5:28)
Reading the verses, I deeply reflected on and reproached myself. I forgot that what a woman needed the most was gentleness and love from her husband.
Before this, I never read the Bible. I never in a million years would have guessed that the word of the Bible had such great power to bring breathtaking light. The Bible admonished me with stings so that I could obey the word and become introspective. Through the short verses in the Bible, I learned about my faults and mistakes, blaming myself for all the grievances I brought to my wife. I confessed that I was really a sinner.
That night, my eyes were filled with tears while I read the Bible. For a long time, I could not sleep.
The next morning I woke up early. I made a wonderful breakfast for my wife and daughter. They were surprised at it since I never did it before. I was resolved to improve the family ties that lacked warmth and love with my own action.
As a Chinese saying claims, "To understand others is to have knowledge; To understand oneself is to be illuminated." (The Tao Te Ching, a Chinese classic text) The Bible also told me that only when a man knows his sin will he have a new life and beginning. I felt that I gained a new birth that night. My image of my wife became more beautiful, tender, and greater, too, because my inner world was illuminated. I was also convinced that my marriage would gradually start to change.
(The author is a believer from Yushui Church of Xinyu, Jiangxi.)
- Translated by Karen Luo
