Editor's note: There are many external definitions of women in our society. Some of them are good, but more of them are like chains which bring tangible and intangible harm to women.
This article was written by a female Christian who has seen many sad stories of sisters experiencing domestic violence. She said that every woman is born with a pair of invisible wings!
She related some true stories.
There was a sister who suffered from uremia and was raising two children. The poor woman was often beaten by her husband, an unemployed gambler. However, the church discouraged her from divorce. Later on, the sister was murdered and dismembered by her husband and the believers who discouraged her from divorcing him regretted it a lot.
Another sister suffered from several severe diseases and was unable to walk normally. Her Christian husband didn't pity her. Instead, he sexually abused her, yet the church still told her to obey her husband.
One church refused to introduce appropriate brothers to a 28-year-old sister because it thought that she had a "bad faith". The church also claimed that the sister was not suitable for marriage due to her bad faith.
Another sister fell in love with an upright non-Christian. However, the church tried its best to stop her and pressure her. They said if the sister maintained contact with the non-Christian, both she and her friends in the church would be excommunicated.
Simone de Beauvoir, who was hailed as the best author to write female characters, used to say that a woman was not born a woman. She became a woman during her growth.
But what does that mean? If a woman decides to play the role defined by our society, she will have to live under the oppression of patriarchy and change her own nature.
Many women have too many rules. Take Christian sisters as an example: Never get divorced; never remarry after divorce. be obedient to your husband; never marry a non-Christian; women are only the husband's assistant.
A lot of sisters use these commands to measure themselves regardless of their own thoughts. They cut their own feet to fit other people's shoes. It is imperative for them to save themselves out of these commandments.
Women can't just be quiet and gentle when faced with complicated lives. They must have the qualities of wolves. What are qualities of wolves?
First, they have to be skeptical.
They should ask themselves: Who set up these commandments? Was it God or other people in the church? Are these "commandments" really eternal truths unlimited by time and space?
No matter if they are pastors, elders or fellow workers, they are still only people instead of god. Their understanding of the Bible is limited by their characters, educational background, and experiences. Their words are not equal to the truth itself.
Therefore, women must actively read, think and communicate for themselves. It is never easy to follow the steps of Jesus. It takes an entire lifetime to explore the truth.
Second, women must take responsibility for themselves and bravely refuse evil power.
Many women are like this: When they are single, their life is decided by parents. After they get married, their life is decided by their husband. After they believe in God, they just make the church take charge of their life.
The only right way to life is to depend on oneself, which means one can never let another person dominate their life even if it's parents or the head of the church.
Never let others decide your path of life. If you do, then don't blame them for interfering in your life. Whatever you choose, you have to bear the consequences.
When we consult pastors in the church they can only provide suggestions. They have no right to interfere with your decision. Nobody can decide whether you get married in your life. They can't decide when you get married or whom you marry. If you meet such an oppressive church which interferes with your marriage, you should dare to refuse them and leave.
If you suffer from domestic violence or sexual abuse, the church will tell you to endure to the end. They will tell you that divorce is forbidden and suffering is God's blessing. These words sound very spiritual.
But they haven't suffered what you have. They are just standing and speaking without pain. Don't be deceived by their teachings. If you live a life of death, defend your rights and interests with legal weapons.
Self-responsibility also means you need to be financially independent. Even if you're a stay-at-home mom, you can't give up developing the skills of living. The ability to survive independently is fundamental.
No matter what kind of pain you're suffering, please don't bury yourself in tears or bitterness. We should never shut ourselves in darkness. Please keep away from self-pity and low self-esteem.
Nobody in the world except Jesus could sympathize with you. All the external relief and aid can only help you. Only you have the power to fly higher.
I would like to end with the poem of the Afghan poet, Divan-i Mawlavī Rumi. I hope all the sisters can wake up after reading it: "You are born with wings. Why do you live a humble life like ants?"
Translated by Emma Ma
